Act 2 – Scene 2 –Somewhere in The Deep Dark Woods.
Enter Snow white, Rapunzel and Cinderella
Snow White Right girls, time to start training. Let’s get physical. We need to become trained killers before we enter this she-witch’s lair.
Cinderella Snow please, I hear you, and I am totally ready to get my Witch killing vibes on but first things first. Rapunzel darling we have got to do something with that hair.
Snow White Sorry, are you serious?
Cinderella Uh ha.
Rapunzel Really? That would be great. I have such a pain in my neck.
Snow White Guys come on!
Cinderella She’s not going to be able to fight Goblins with that mop hanging out of her head.
Rapunzel That’s true!
Cinderella She looks like a blonde Chewbacca.
Snow White That is a point I suppose. Right, here let’s lob it off. (She produces a knife)
Cinderella Snow darling, leave this to me.
Snow White You’re not going to sing are you?
Snow White Ah man! Listen I just feel like some light stretching or battle tactics or maybe a few press-ups to build our strength before we fight the… ok she’s already singing
Musical Number – Popular (Wicked)
During the number Rapunzel gets a makeover and a serious haircut.
Snow White Beautiful. Now can we get down to business?
Cinderella (Singing) Let’s get down to business (Mulan)
Snow White No more singing. Let’s go.
Cinderella Ok I am totally up for this! Let’s go. Do you think there is anywhere along the way I could get some bubble tea?
Rapunzel Oh yum!
Snow White I despair!
Exit Snow White, Rapunzel and Cinderella.
Enter Sam and Dandini
Sam So then in fourth class my teacher Mr Byrne said that I had puked in John Foley’s lunch box, but I didn’t puke in John Foley’s lunch box, Peter Redmond puked in John Foley’s lunch box but Mr Byrne blamed me for puking in John Foley’s lunch box because I once puked in Jake Kinsella’s lunch box but I never puked in John Foley’s lunch box and…
Dandini ENOUGH! I only asked you who you were I didn’t want your life story.
Sam Ahhh cause it gets really good , cause in fourth class on Fire Works night I was meant to meet Stacy Kehoe down by the train tracks for a shift but….
Dandini SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Will you please shut up?
Sam Hey Dan! Dando, Danny Boy, Dan the Man, Danzel Wessington, Denis the Menace. I thought we were friends.
Dandini No we are not friends we are two very bad Prince’s Aides who have failed their masters and find themselves stuck together on some crazy mission to take on an army of Goblin’s and a demented old hag in the hope of saving our Prince’s and not dying.
Dandini Listen you.
Sam We should make a secret handshake
Dandini If only I were 20 years younger.
Sam Or we could create our own language…
Dandini I would beat you senseless you…you…you…
Dandini Listen Sam, Do you have any idea where we are?
Sam I do, we are in the Deep Dark Woods, which is a gathering of very deep and dark woods and is hence known as the Deep Dark Woods.
Dandini I am aware of that by the deepness and the darkness of the woods around us, but do you know where we are going?
Sam Deeper and darker and woodier?
Dandini Listen you fool! We need to know where we are!
Sam Why don’t we try google maps?
Dandini You have google maps?
Dandini You have had google maps this whole time?
Sam Yeah it’s on my Galaxy tablet back at home. But sure do any of us really know where we are going?
Sam All we can do Dan is follow the road of life and see where it takes us.
Dandini I’m going to die aren’t I?
Sam We are all going to die Danny.
Dandini Listen you simple child. Where are we going?
Sam Dano, Desperate Dan, Danby Lodge do you trust me?
Dandini Oh yes you seem as reliable as VAR.
Sam Get in! Don’t mention that the Liverpool fan in the audience will get upset.
Listen I’m Sam! Just Sam. I’m Samazing! Remember that time my cousin Sam helped Frodo Baggins destroy the ring! What have I done? I need to be the Sam who saves his best friend Lance! Sam and Dandelion! Dan-the-Lion! Give me a roar Dan!
Sam That’s good Dan I like it! We could start a podcast! We’re gonna make it! We may not be knights, we may not be heroes, we may not be brave, we may not know where we are going, we may …… we may go home san!
No we are not warriors but we have to try. Lance is not just my boss he’s my best bud too. So we are going to be knights.
Sam We are going to be heroes!
Sam We are going to be brave!
Sam WE FEAR NOTHING!
Dandini (Looking into the wing) Accept maybe three crazy looking princesses with weapons.
Enter Snow, Cinderella and Rapunzel. Snow carries her knife the other two carry sticks that
are fashioned into weapons. They jump, spin, cart wheel in a heroic, Charlie’s Angel’s sort of
way onto the stage.
Cinderella We are The League of Princesses!
Snow White Drop your weapons, put your hands on your heads and don’t move a muscle.
Dandini & Sam AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dandini and Sam run wildly all over the stage roaring for around thirty seconds. They then
run out of breath and collapse centre stage.
Snow White Are you finished?
Sam Hold on. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhh! Ah Ah Ah.
Snow White Finished now.
Snow White Who are you and what’s your business?
Dandini Dandini Murphy. Professional Royal Aide to Prince Philip Charming. (Recognises Cinderella) Wait you are the girl from the ball. The one who ran.
Cinderella You work for Prince Charming.
Dandini Ah ha I found her, success, well done me, if only I hadn’t lost my Prince now.
Snow White (Recognising Sam) You!
Snow White You’re a royal aide too right?
Sam Baby I can be whoever you want me to be.
Snow White You were with the hunky Prince Lance earlier.
Sam Hunky? Really, more average to fine. So you are Snow White. More like ‘snow good taste in men’. Am I right Dante?
Dandini The boys a fool.
Dandini This is Cinderella the sprinter. And who might this other young lady be?
Snow White Oh wow wait one minute of course. Rapunzel is your lost Princess. Rapunzel, Sam is royal aide to the brother you have never met Prince Lance which makes you…
Sam (Walking to her) Princess Rapunzel.
Cinderella Wow this is better than Big Brother!
Sam (Nearly in tears) IIII can’t believe it’s you. Rapunzel.
Rapunzel III… I don’t understand.
Snow White Eh maybe we should give you guys a moment.
Cinderella It’s ok Rapunzel. It will all be ok, I promise.
Snow White We are just over here if you need us.
Dandini In the wing.
Snow White Move.
Exit Snow, Cinderella & Dandini.
Sam I can’t believe it’s you Princess.
Sam I remember when you were born. It’s one of my first memories the day the royal twins were born. Riversend had never seen celebrations like it.
Sam Your kingdom your Majesty.
Rapunzel My kingdom.
Sam Your parents the king and queen will be so happy to see you.
Rapunzel My parents, I have parents. What…what are they like?
Sam Ah their alright like. They run a good ship. King Harold is a strong and proud man, Queen Clara a beautiful and kind lady. Loved by all apart from at budget time.
Rapunzel King Harold and Queen Clara, my Mother and father, I have a mother and father. But why did they give me away?
Sam Oh your Majesty….
Sam Rapunzel. (They share a look) they…they…what did you ask me again?
Rapunzel Why did my parents give me away?
Sam Look at you Rapunzel. How could anyone give away something so precious? They did everything they could to protect you but they had made a pact with Gothel and her magic was strong. They never gave up hope of finding you every year they send the burning lanterns into the air for you on your birthday, wait today!
Rapunzel Today is my birthday. All those years the burning lanterns were for me?
Sam For you Princess…for you Rapunzel. Happy Birthday.
Musical Number – At last I See the Light (Shortened version)
Rapunzel Oh Sam, this is a lot to take in. I’m scared.
Sam It’s ok your Maj…Rapunzel. I’ll make sure it will all be ok.
Rapunzel Thank you Sam.
Sam Yeah…no…yeah…yeah…Right! First things first let’s go rescue your brother.
Rapunzel My brother.
Sam Don’t start that again.
Enter Snow, Cinderella and Dandini.
Sam Right you lot what’s the plan Dan?
Dandini I don’t give a damn Sam.
Rapunzel We are going to rescue my Brother Lance.
Cinderella Yes the League of Princesses and friends.
Sam Has anyone got a plan? I mean how are we supposed to get into Gothel’s Lair?
Snow White I have a plan.
Dandini She has a plan. Finally some leadership! Do you know how long I’ve had to listen to this buffoon’s stupid life risking suggestions! Thank heavens! She has a plan…
Snow White And you two are going to lead us.
Dandini And we are going to lead….I beg your pardon.
Snow White Do you have faith boys? Cause you are about to find God.
Sam Alleluia! What you talking about.
Snow White All will be revealed, let’s go! This is going to be fun. It’s time to take back the power!
Musical Number – Kings and Queens.
End of Scene 2